Wednesday, June 1

The Bladder Wars

Warning: Explicit language. Not as in abusive, some people might find it offensive. Readers' discretion advised.

You are traveling by road, you have business companions with you, and your bladder decides to take on you. What would you do? Embarrass yourself every half an hour? That is exactly what I did.

I have this problem that when I am traveling on a long route, I get water retention and end up swelling my feet and limbs to a degree that they become sponge foamy, (sounds Funny I know), and of course, lack of urination.
So, it happened this way.
I was traveling some 500 odd kilometers for work (saving you the details torture). 500 kilometers, on my side of the world, mean at least a 10 hour by-road journey. After a non-stop drive of 4 hours, we decided to take a journey break of 15-20 minutes at a nice looking Highway roadside cafe-snack bar. I only had a cup of tea.
In situations like this, it is always advisable to make the maximum use of the loo as long as you can. So did I.
And thus the journey was resumed.

It had only been some 30 minutes of the last visit to the loo when I started feeling that my bladder was filling up again. As embarrassed as I was to ask the driver to stop the car, I decided to wait until there was need to refill the petrol tank of the car as we had been informed a while ago, and I started counting the petrol pumps that past by. By the time 3rd petrol pump passed, it was getting difficult for me to wait. I had asked the driver twice to stop the car at approaching pump so that we could avoid pushing the car to the pump situation when fuel ran out. Only I knew the underlying motive. I guess that is why I was way to quick to spot 4th approaching pump just in time to bring the speed of the car down and refill; and pour out.
What a relief. Phew.
Saved my self embarrassment, only to find trouble chasing me after another half an hour. My bladder was on a roll. It had decided to take on me, that too when I had *formal* company.
I was told that the most preferred and famous Food court of that Highway where the company was planning on to stop for supper was another half an hour away. Obviously, I tried my level best to wait until we reached there. In situations like these, your spirituality and faith in God, multiplies itself manifolds magically. I too was praying hard and fighting my bladder simultaneously. In fact, I was chanting Sheldon Cooper's mantra (If you follow The Big Bang Theory, you'll know what I am talking about) non- stop. But nothing seemed to be helping. 

Waiting for the food court seemed impossible. It felt like the food court was drifting away instead of coming closer even when car was on 120 kms per hour. The other people traveling along had started sensing my uneasiness and discomfort, and they were proving to be more and more irritating every passing minute. I tried diverting my mind by bringing up unruly things and laughing hardest, but it was in fact getting worse. 
Then came a time, when the pressure was at its peaks. I had to ask the driver to pull over the car at the first petrol pump which unfortunately turned out to be closed. What luck dude. I was almost in tears when suddenly I spotted another pump. I breathed. Asked the driver to pull over when he almost passed it. I had to scream, 'emergency' when he reversed the car. I jumped out of the car and ran towards the loo. But The Dude up there, the sadist he is, was finding it fun to play my bladder and my luck against me. The loo was locked form inside with a waiting queue outside it from a tourist bus halting for rest. 
I could have died. I knocked continuously. It was getting impossible to wait. The sight of the queue was a punishment in itself, when finally the door unbolted and a weird looking woman came out. I could really cry the 'khushi ke aansu'. Only to find the queue made a moment, just I was too quick to find my way inside the puke provokingly stinky loo. But it dint matter. I was having the time of my life in there. 

I don't know why orgasm is that overrated. When you get to pee after a bladder war is the best feeling in the world. I swear to God.

P.S. I type this line after I came back from the wash room. Even typing about this incident set my bladder on the loose. Thank god, I am near a wash room.

4 Obiter Dicta (Comment here):

How do we know said...

Wait.. you didnt tell us what happens next... ?

akanksha said...

Ooopsy! Nevertheless, it made a nice read!

Richa said...

@ How do we know,
:D like I said, 20 minutes later, the food court and then due to intake of salt, the bladder was relieved. :)
Dozed off for remaining one hour journey :D

Richa said...

like I said, have a laugh at my expense :D

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