Friday, June 1
Respect is earned, not asked for.
I carried a heavy heart for all these years.
Apologizing is almost suicide equivalent for a huge ego like mine, but this time I had to, because I knew I did wrong to you.
I might have hurt many people in the course of life, unintentionally and intentionally, but something I did to you, that too twice, weighed on me. That baggage I carried all this time.
I hurt you because you were in a vulnerable position, while I held the power. I chose wrong people over you, twice.
I knew you were way better than them, but I chose them, because I thought they chose me. Hierarchy. They played me, I played you.
I have no regrets that I chose wrong people, but I regret that I chose them over you. I shouldn't have.
I knew I was wrong, still I thought you'd be better off without me. I let you go. No wait. I shoo-ed you off. How bad was it.
Saying sorry was a difficult task. It took me so long to do it. I gathered guts for almost 4 years. But when I did, you dint even take a minute to say 'it's okay, don't apologize'. That is how nice you are. You are a beautiful human being.
Come to think of it, its funny in a way. I took more than 4 years to say sorry, you took less than 4 seconds to forgive. Or probably, you never held grudges, but I'll take it as forgiveness. You have a beautiful heart.
I always thought of you highly. Now, you've crossed your own level.
You are one person whose memories always brought smile to my face, never a frown, not even a single time. That is why, my guilt conscious rose exponentially whenever I thought of you.
You let it go so quickly, that I dint even get enough time to feel the heaviness evacuate my heart, I carried all these years.
Respect. You've earned this.
Thursday, March 22
That Awkward Moment
Age is just a number.
दिल के बहलाने को ग़ालिब ये ख़याल अच्छा है.
I will be 28 in a few months. I don't know, may be it is one of those days. This morning, this thought struck to me like a lightening bolt. 'What am I doing with my life?' Mid life crisis too soon may be.
10 years ago, I was a proud person, an independent person who had this feeling that I have the liberty to take the decisions of my life. I dint know back then, that the decision I have been taking are not considered as life decisions.
Today, when I look back in the past 10 years, I realize that I have not taken a single decision for my life. Which I could. I did not take a decision, when I should have. But like Geet said in Jab we met, I chose this life for myself, therefore I have no right to crib about it.
I have no idea what to do and how to do. Its just a phase, I'll get back to normal in another 2-3 days I know.
Wednesday, February 15
:)
Life is, after all, very much like a thriller book.
Its really exciting to find out that you predicted it right.
Its exciting. I am happy.
Just two days ago, I struck this realization that I've let it go. And today, a Facebook update made me happy. So happy.
I might just cry out of happiness :) Welcome baby Adah. Even though, they might not want to call you Adah any more.
I might never see you, hold you, hug you or buy you pretty presents as much I want, but I have this love for you. I really do not know why. I just have :)
And no, I wont be the creepy anonymous psycho someone who keeps sending you gifts just because.
Here, this one is for you baby. Only for you. :)
Monday, February 13
I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...
And when I awoke, I was alone, this bird had flown
So I lit a fire, isn't it good, Norwegian wood.
So I lit a fire, isn't it good, Norwegian wood.
The Beatles when wrote this song, had never imagined how it could shape, or should I say make people's lives revolve around it.
I happened to read this book, Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami- a very celebrated Japanese author. And, the book almost revolved around the song, more or less, inspired by it. My very first attempt of reading Murakami it was, and no, I am not reviewing the book. But I am not sure whether I'll read the author again.
I fail to understand the general association of love with depression. A love story is incomplete unless one or both of the protagonists die or can never meet. Pick any of the legendary love stories.
Yeah, they made to the legends because they couldn't meet and died in the course of the their love. Zaalim zamana or some zaalim disease.
A love story can very well be light, full of humor and happy endings, but then, I think that will qualify as fairy tale.
People in general are obsessed with the idea that it is not a love story unless there is no crying, no complexities and no deaths/ suicides.
The book has too many stirring emotions. It dint do anything to me while I was reading it, but it certainly left me depressed for a whole day after I finished reading the last chapter of it.
Even otherwise, I am not a fan of the romance genre. What do you have to look forward in a book when you know you wont be discovering that the killer is the one you expected, or not.
Friday, January 27
The Wish
If I ever get terminally ill, and become dependent on people around me, I think I would not want to live. Not because I would not want to fight, but because I think I would not want to make hell, the lives of people who I become dependent on.
Mercy death, yes. Because I don't want someone else to suffer because I am suffering.
Being selfish? May be.
P.S. Today marks the day when the Twitter Bites take a U-Turn.
Tuesday, January 24
Prompt
Sadness will not leave you unless you decide to leave it. It is a sticker. We need to take it off.
Sunday, December 4
Happy Birthday!
To someone, who has been by my side ever since I have known. Someone who'll solve others' problems before her own. To someone who I wish all the happiness in the world! Happy Birthday 'Once a Saint, Now a Sinner!'
Lots of Love!!
Thursday, December 1
Its December!
My favorite month of the year? Kind of yes and kind of not. Another year came to an end, and analyzing what the year did to me- this is the part which I don't like much.
What I like about it is, Winters. Yes. My second favorite season of the year. Not year, well, it actually overlaps two years. So my second favorite season as such after monsoons of course.
So winters are officially here. I woke up this morning, to a cloudy and foggy and chilly weather. A very winter-ish morning, first of the season. I smiled. As if God followed calender religiously and knew, it is December, so fill the colors accordingly. November's last morning yesterday, was comparatively sunny.
Also, it was a fulfilling morning. I finished the one month challenge last night, I took up on the fiction Blog, I wrote about. Rising up to a feeling of gratification.
The response received was enormous. Almost 1400 blog hits in one month. Way bigger than I had expected. Already received 2 requests to continue Shutter Inspired Micro Shots as a 365 day thing. Overwhelmed I am, but 365 day is a very very demanding commitment.
This 30 day challenge was demanding as well given my frequent work related traveling. I had to schedule 4-5 posts twice to keep the challenge going. Taking up photos, thinking about stories to be woven on them, was a hell of a job.
I had given up somewhere in the middle of the month, if only some people had not kept encouraging every day. Special mention to Punky, Lady Nimue and even MeethiMirchi. Thanks a lot for constant boosting, kind words of inspiration. Your constant comments on the posts, let me know that you were reading :)
No regrets though. All's well, that ends well. This, however, is not the end. Just a beginning.
A new beginning at the end of a year, sure sounds ironic, but then, its never too late :D
I felt sexy, because I felt creative all this Month.
Hope December is as nice to me. In fact, now that I am in-charge, lets show 'em who the boss is.
Summing it up in Linking Park's lines :)
Monday, November 28
Whattey!
'Tu kab marr rahi hai?'
'Ye bhi mazakh hai?'
'Nai nai, ye toh bada serious hai... Teri factory mein ab khoon hi nahi banta?'
'Chahte kya ho tum?'
'Poochna chahta hoon. Tere is ghar mein security alarm toh nahi hai?'
'Kyon? kya karne wale ho?'
'Pooch raha hoon. Prague wala alarm toh bada tez tha. Ek second mein lightein bhi on ho gayin charon taraf. Scene hi badal gaya sara. Aisi bhi security hoti hai pata hi nahi tha. Hi-tech tha bada... Tujhe bahar nahi aana tha Heer. Ab na, mujhe tere paas aana padega.'
'... Jordan... Mat karo ye... Main bardasht nahi kar paaungi'
'Ye main kar raha hoon? Tune kaha meri shakal nahi dekhni. Main aaya tere aage? Do saal mein call ki tujhe? Maine toh yahan tak koshish ki sochun bhi na tere baare mein. Par kya hua? Ye tu hai. Mere saamne khadi hai. Teri samajh mein nahi aayi Heer? Ye kuch aur hai. Jo tujhe aur mujhe saath la raha hai. Reh nahi na paaye hum alag. Nahi reh paaye. Main aaj itni badi hasti hoon Heer. Star hoon main! Itne saare paise hai mere paas. Famous hoon. Par andar, pata hai sirf jalan hai mere andar, bechaini hai. Main sirf tere saath hi set hoon yaar. itti si baat hai. Aur tu bhi. Mere saath nahi hoti toh koi jaanleva bimari ho jaati hai tujhe. Khoon-shoon ban-na band ho jata hai tere andar.'
'Main marr rahi hoon Jordan. Shayad kuch mahine, ya ek saal. Uske baad... main marr jaaungi.'
'Aur jo na marri toh? Tujhe kuch bhi na hua toh? Toh tu meri ho jaayegi?'
'...Jordan... Mujhe hug kar sakte ho?'
Friday, November 25
Air is Heavy
I skip reading the romantic parts in the books and the blog posts that talk about love and pain. I start reading, but then, I stop somewhere in between.
The emotions are same, timed differently, intensified differently.
And then I think, verbal expression comes naturally to some people. I am not one of them.
Tuesday, November 22
Yun hi kuch kuch
You can not be more sure of anything except your parents' reaction to certain something. It is a weird weird situation. The authority of decision making lies with you, obviously the influence remains theirs. Mine do support me a lot. And I am thankful to God for having blessed me with such a wonderful family.
At times in your life, you come across such people who crush your self esteem to an irreparable level. Reason being, their own need to raise their ridiculously low self esteem. But Again, I am thankful to God, against one such person, I met 4 people who boosted mine without even realizing, they are doing a favor to me. 1:4 is a very high ratio. Not that I'd want a crusher again for another 4 boosters, but Life isn't that a bitch.
Because I am not shallow and blunt to crush people's inflated egos. I am not brought up that way and I've got my standards to maintain.
Sunday, November 13
Illusions.
Love destroys. This is what I thought Rockstar portrayed. Not a review.
Falling in love is very easy. And denying it, even easier. What is difficult, is to not let it burn you inside out. Not being with the one you want to be is like being in a can of worms.
And for people like me, who'd rather stop feeling than feel a lot, the movie was disturbing. I take pride in boasting I have a hold on my emotions. I know how to curb them and not let my heart win over the brain. But there are hell load of people who are on the other side of the line.
And there are times when I think may be they are doing it the right way.
Besides, I want my own JJ with who I can मचाओ as much गंद as I want to :)
P.S. Shammi Kapoor is was the real RockStar!
P.P.S. I think I liked the movie, but it is going to take another watch to get absorbed.
Friday, November 4
New Perspective
This blogpost here by Nimue, gave me a new perspective. I thought, we kept the warranty cards, bills, papers of things we purchased, in case we needed repair/ replacement in the warranty period.
But as it turns out, it is a memory of the celebrations and good times, Milestones of joys. :)
Thursday, November 3
November Project
Now, this is turning out to be interesting.
I took up a kind of project on the fiction blog for this month of November. I am calling it 'Shutter Inspired Micro Shots'. What I am going to do in it is, write short stories on a few pictures taken by me. One story everyday for the month of November.
Pictures might be old and new, but entirely mine. So it is serving two purposes in one go- Writing and Photo :D
Take a look here :)
Wednesday, October 12
Paranoia!
Now is the time to move ahead. Free Mind and free heart. But what's stopping me is PARANOIA.
Result of being over cautious and still not been able to protect.
Wednesday, September 28
Don't Quit!
Someone from knows committed suicide apparently because of too much debt.
People who commit suicide want to end things in an easy way. Is suicide an escape, a easy way out to end things?
Debt, like in this case, doesn't end with a life. The people left behind still owe it.
It needs courage to kill oneself. If only this courage was used requiting adverse situations.
Probably this is a reason why suicide helplines exist. For people need counseling.
Sunday, September 25
Take Chances.
We meet people, like them, fall in love, give our best, get hurt, fall out of love, smile and move on, get ready to fall in love all over again.
Not Random
Everyone is going to ditch you a some point of time, its your choice who is worth it.
Being careful is good. But it often leads to paranoia.
People, still are not worth a chance.
Friday, September 23
Its Fall Again!
Yea. Its Fall yet again. Gawd, where did the year go! (we always wonder the same by this time every year, no?)
So, its fall and Sitcoms have returned. :D
Modern Family and The Big Bang Theory have premiered. Now, I wait for Dexter. :D
Phil Dunphy! O Phil! You were missed babe!
Also, Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady took me once again with their wit! :D
Wednesday, September 21
To Hell with Spontainity!
Life doesn't go as per the plans. At least, not mine. I had plans, and then, my life happened. *points in the mirror and laughs*
At times, I wonder, if I planned out a suicide (which I most certainly will not), and went to the railway tracks, India will witness a nationwide Train strike or railway failure of some sort.
Like O'Henry wrote in one of his short stories "Many people have achieved many things whose chances of doing so were much inferior than Miss Martha".
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Who Me??
- Richa
- I am an ECHO... Whatever I get, I give it Back.... I am a MIRROR.. Whatever I see, I show it Back... I am NOT sweet, cute, pretty, nice or friendly.
Zeh-E-Naseeb
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