Redefining Abstractions: 2012

Friday, June 1

Respect is earned, not asked for.

at 12:05 pm

I carried a heavy heart for all these years.

Apologizing is almost suicide equivalent for a huge ego like mine, but this time I had to, because I knew I did wrong to you.

I might have hurt many people in the course of life, unintentionally and intentionally, but something I did to you, that too twice, weighed on me. That baggage I carried all this time.

I hurt you because you were in a vulnerable position, while I held the power. I chose wrong people over you, twice.

I knew you were way better than them, but I chose them, because I thought they chose me. Hierarchy. They played me, I played you.

I have no regrets that I chose wrong people, but I regret that I chose them over you. I shouldn't have.

I knew I was wrong, still I thought you'd be better off without me. I let you go. No wait. I shoo-ed you off. How bad was it.

Saying sorry was a difficult task. It took me so long to do it. I gathered guts for almost 4 years. But when I did, you dint even take a minute to say 'it's okay, don't apologize'. That is how nice you are. You are a beautiful human being.

Come to think of it, its funny in a way. I took more than 4 years to say sorry, you took less than 4 seconds to forgive. Or probably, you never held grudges, but I'll take it as forgiveness. You have a beautiful heart.

I always thought of you highly. Now, you've crossed your own level.

You are one person whose memories always brought smile to my face, never a frown, not even a single time. That is why, my guilt conscious rose exponentially whenever I thought of you.

You let it go so quickly, that I dint even get enough time to feel the heaviness evacuate my heart, I carried all these years.

Respect. You've earned this.

Thursday, March 22

That Awkward Moment

at 9:02 pm

Age is just a number.

दिल के बहलाने को ग़ालिब ये ख़याल अच्छा है.

I will be 28 in a few months. I don't know, may be it is one of those days. This morning, this thought struck to me like a lightening bolt. 'What am I doing with my life?' Mid life crisis too soon may be.

10 years ago, I was a proud person, an independent person who had this feeling that I have the liberty to take the decisions of my life. I dint know back then, that the decision I have been taking are not considered as life decisions.

Today, when I look back in the past 10 years, I realize that I have not taken a single decision for my life. Which I could. I did not take a decision, when I should have. But like Geet said in Jab we met, I chose this life for myself, therefore I have no right to crib about it.

I have no idea what to do and how to do. Its just a phase, I'll get back to normal in another 2-3 days I know.

Wednesday, February 15

:)

at 9:21 pm

Life is, after all, very much like a thriller book.

Its really exciting to find out that you predicted it right.

Its exciting. I am happy.

Just two days ago, I struck this realization that I've let it go. And today, a Facebook update made me happy. So happy.

I might just cry out of happiness :) Welcome baby Adah. Even though, they might not want to call you Adah any more.

I might never see you, hold you, hug you or buy you pretty presents as much I want, but I have this love for you. I really do not know why. I just have :)

And no, I wont be the creepy anonymous psycho someone who keeps sending you gifts just because.

Here, this one is for you baby. Only for you. :)

Monday, February 13

I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...

at 9:06 pm

And when I awoke, I was alone, this bird had flown
So I lit a fire, isn't it good, Norwegian wood.

The Beatles when wrote this song, had never imagined how it could shape, or should I say make people's lives revolve around it.

I happened to read this book, Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami- a very celebrated Japanese author. And, the book almost revolved around the song, more or less, inspired by it. My very first attempt of reading Murakami it was, and no, I am not reviewing the book. But I am not sure whether I'll read the author again.

I fail to understand the general association of love with depression. A love story is incomplete unless one or both of the protagonists die or can never meet. Pick any of the legendary love stories.

Yeah, they made to the legends because they couldn't meet and died in the course of the their love. Zaalim zamana or some zaalim disease.

A love story can very well be light, full of humor and happy endings, but then, I think that will qualify as fairy tale.

People in general are obsessed with the idea that it is not a love story unless there is no crying, no complexities and no deaths/ suicides.

The book has too many stirring emotions. It dint do anything to me while I was reading it, but it certainly left me depressed for a whole day after I finished reading the last chapter of it.

Even otherwise, I am not a fan of the romance genre. What do you have to look forward in a book when you know you wont be discovering that the killer is the one you expected, or not.

Friday, January 27

The Wish

at 5:59 pm

If I ever get terminally ill, and become dependent on people around me, I think I would not want to live. Not because I would not want to fight, but because I think I would not want to make hell, the lives of people who I become dependent on.

Mercy death, yes. Because I don't want someone else to suffer because I am suffering.

Being selfish? May be.

P.S. Today marks the day when the Twitter Bites take a U-Turn.