Sunday, May 17
Love or Obsession?
While swapping the channels last night on the idiot box, I chanced to get a glimpse of the movie ‘Tere Naam’. It was a hit, but I dint like the movie in the first place, though being a movie buff, could not gather my courage to watch it till the end.
This aspect of love scares me, rather it scares everyone.
Blackmailing the other person in the name of love is pure torture.
One side effect of close friendship is when the ‘infatuation’ or ‘liking’ factor arrives in between close friends, carrying on with normal friendship becomes impossible.
I am a common friend to such a case.
The guy started falling for his closest friend. Even though being aware from the day one that she will never get involved, he developed an obsession for her. When it became intolerable for him, he finally told her expecting an explosive reaction from her end. She tried hard to persuade him to be normal with her and forget all this rubbish for old times’ sake. But he came down to emotionally blackmailing her. Threatening her that he will do something to himself and she will be responsible. This mania of his took the girl into depression.
The reasons being-
a) She could not see her once best friend in such pathetic condition,
b) She wanted to get back being friends,
c) She took it to her nerves that someone was suffering because of her.
It is a real distress for a person when someone tries to beguile them inducing into a relationship when they are genuinely not interested.
Some guys take this rejection as their male ego issue, unable to take that how can the girl dump them. And another new season of emotional blackmail, perseverance, and torture starts. Gaining sympathy is one weapon guys generally use with girls. They pretend to be in such pain and wretchedness that the girls commiserate them and fall in the trap and start comforting them. As the time lingers, the girl, who initially had no feelings from the heart for the guy, begins to apprehend the trap, feels ditched. She makes out everything falling in the place and the forced relationship takes the turn towards hatred and reaches height of tolerance and the friendship factor is long forgotten.
The sole motive of this whole crap is I strongly feel that contrived relationships donot work out and the friendship factor also goes in vain. And once it goes, friendship doesn’t come back.
Blackmailing the other person in the name of love is pure torture.
One side effect of close friendship is when the ‘infatuation’ or ‘liking’ factor arrives in between close friends, carrying on with normal friendship becomes impossible.
I am a common friend to such a case.
The guy started falling for his closest friend. Even though being aware from the day one that she will never get involved, he developed an obsession for her. When it became intolerable for him, he finally told her expecting an explosive reaction from her end. She tried hard to persuade him to be normal with her and forget all this rubbish for old times’ sake. But he came down to emotionally blackmailing her. Threatening her that he will do something to himself and she will be responsible. This mania of his took the girl into depression.
The reasons being-
a) She could not see her once best friend in such pathetic condition,
b) She wanted to get back being friends,
c) She took it to her nerves that someone was suffering because of her.
It is a real distress for a person when someone tries to beguile them inducing into a relationship when they are genuinely not interested.
Some guys take this rejection as their male ego issue, unable to take that how can the girl dump them. And another new season of emotional blackmail, perseverance, and torture starts. Gaining sympathy is one weapon guys generally use with girls. They pretend to be in such pain and wretchedness that the girls commiserate them and fall in the trap and start comforting them. As the time lingers, the girl, who initially had no feelings from the heart for the guy, begins to apprehend the trap, feels ditched. She makes out everything falling in the place and the forced relationship takes the turn towards hatred and reaches height of tolerance and the friendship factor is long forgotten.
The sole motive of this whole crap is I strongly feel that contrived relationships donot work out and the friendship factor also goes in vain. And once it goes, friendship doesn’t come back.
“Rehman dhaaga prem ka mat todo chatkaye,
Jode se phirr na jude, jude to gaanthh pad jaaye”
Jode se phirr na jude, jude to gaanthh pad jaaye”
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- Richa
- I am an ECHO... Whatever I get, I give it Back.... I am a MIRROR.. Whatever I see, I show it Back... I am NOT sweet, cute, pretty, nice or friendly.
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61 Obiter Dicta (Comment here):
Hmmmm...love or obsession....
Topic common hai par strong hai...
Not really in a mood to comment on it until i see the guy's perspective...:)
Kya pata woh sach mein pyar mein ho aur yeh sab kar raha ho bawla hokar..:)
Anyways wish everything settles down..
hmhm.... there is just a thread that runs between love and obsession.
I think people need to form opinions of it from their own experience rather than from what other people are saying....
It depends on the person a lot. But what one must really keep in mind is
---- love never suffocates....
If U love someone, then love them as they are. Do not try to change, manipulate or black mail them. It is sick and always back fires.
I think tat friendship can lead to love but if thats not the case with both parties... people should learn to be mature enough to be friends with people past the fact that once you loved them.
I personally think when you love someone it brings the worst and the best in you. Its like rediscovering yourself after getting lost for a while....
I think what ever may be our intentions... love, possessiveness, or anything else for that matter.
If we respect a person for whom they are, then we will always give them space to make their own decisions.....
When we are hugging people, if our partners grip on us is not as hard as ours... jus try to remember love is wild and spontaneous... you cant really cultivate it... only thing you can do is... let them know you love them to death...
if they do not replicate your feelings... learn to survive death..
love is let going and sacrificing...one got to u'stand it :-)
nicely put up!!
true true...
itsn't this stuff really scary?
thankgod i am fifteen...
Well it happened to me a couple of times and I was really depressed and guilty that I did not reciprocate the feelings of my close friend...
Finally, things got bitter and now he hates me like anything... ;) I still wish him well though...
A good friendship suffered at the hands of obsession... and I hate this happening...
Glad u discussed it yaar... mann halka ho gaya mera bhi...
hmmm... quite a thought provoking post :)
can we really control something that is meant to happen??? thats a question which would take a lifetime to answer...
take care mate.. cheers...
dont generalize...not all guys r like that...infact i wud say girls use d emotional card more than guys...i have been a victim of many such blackmails
the tamil version of the movie sethu was taken brilliantly...
tere naam sucks
chrizemotional blackmails? hehehe .. its usually a dicey topic.. both sexes do that
i almost died after tere naam and no that aint obsession. i think when love comes to someone, and like the way it was shown it becomes and obsession!
also kyun ki!
makes a lot of sense!!
Such ppl totally freak me out!!the worst thing is u cant do anything abt it. I hope nobody goes thru wht ur friend had to go thru.
Great Post..
Relations are always complex..
Sometimes friendship does lead to love, but of course by mutual consent, neither should one over react, nor should one get obsessed and blackmail. I think the main problem is "expectations"...
When you love someone you start expecting the same... which becomes difficult at times.. We all need to learn one art - the art of thinking and feeling from the other person's shoes....
I think in so called "love" when people suffocate each other or start having un realistic expectations , it is not love at all, it is pure obsession adn "self pride"....
Oye richa...arent u being very biased when u say this is what guys do?? Come on yaar..i know a number of gals who ve used the best friend excuse also.
Like u said..its abt the ego...be it male or female..its the ego that hurts the most rather than the heart. And i totally agree..this is the lamest way to break or lose a friendship..sometimes friendship goes beyond these love affair situations..its so much more but these peopledont realise that...hmmm kya kare..life eh..!!
luv
amith
@ mAhesh,
this is my whole point, baawala kyon hua?? kya log self control nahi kar sakte??
@ Muthu,
:O
haan i know yaar, i agree to everything u said, but the point here is, what to do with he ppl who do not understand tht love has to be mutual, u cant force urself upon the other person. they make their own as well as the others life a hell!!
@ Anki,
yeah it is right, but sacrifice u'll make it only when it was mutual. if it wasnt, it cudnt be a sacifice..
thnx :)
@ Jinxed Pixie,
it is hell scary.. and i really hope to god tht u dun see such a thing in ur lifetime!!
@ harshi,
u know wat, it happens to all of us at some point of the time, i discussed it about a frnd whose case got extreme, but it isnt tht i havent experienced it myself.. :D
@ Arv
yeah, u r right we cant control certain things,, which we call destiny, but getting sick in the name of love and making some one's life a hell on purpose isnt devilish??
@ MAyz,
awwww... i know u r the hunk!! :P
but i never said, all guys are alike :D
@ Chriz
totally, both sexes do tht.. but since the case was a male doing tht i narrated it tht way :D
@ Seher,
yeah, love doesnt mean obsession. it shudnt suffocate..
yep Kyunki was also similar..
@ Sawan
hehe.. i know it doesnt to a person drenched in love :P
@ Ria
yeah i know it becomes really hard to face the person..
@ Arnav,
I cudnt agree less. Expectations is real scary, when u know the other person cant return it, or not even doesnt want to return it, u cant force them in love..
@ Amith,
yaar i am not being biased, since this was frnz' case i was narrating, i told it for a guy. neither did i say all guys are alike.
yeah girls do tht all the time i kno :D
and the worst part is the ego..
Haan it's a thin thin line b/w love and obsession. :O
That is SOO true!! And i totally abhor such people...guys or girls...
As you correctly pointed out, such relationships never last. Ever.
If one cannot let go or move on, then it aint love...it's obsession.
Keshi.
good post, its something to think about...personally i cannot stand obsesssion in any form, and what is does to a nice normal human being.
gosh, how i hated that movie!
:) actually :( I have been there, seen that state of affairs, affairs literally ;)
very true if this whole mixed feelings shit happens and especially obsession. it gets on your nerves.. the meaning that is, about why the person had the likes for u is even more bugging. the whole i am there for u shit seems like an act to win Lauu.. and then the obsession to prove it is all the more depressing.
hmm.. hmm.. thinking mode u got me into..
loved the quote at the end :)
hmm i so agree...
been there done that...
i hate bollywood for promoting such silly notions about the ways of loving.. of being obsessive, possessive, mad in what is called love...
i have seen people resort to threatens etc just to win love or recognition... such a thing cannot be called love..period..
damn good post!!
I've been into all those kind of situations and it really sucks to be the object of obsession:(
Hard reality potrayed there!
yes all these things are very complex and I believe that Rahim's doha explains it perfectly:)
yes all these things are very complex and I believe that Rahim's doha explains it perfectly:)
too hasty too hasty.
dont generalize at least!!!
even i didnt like the movie..
and speaking of being friends knowing that one loves the other, it is IMPOSSIBLE!! though i am not a victim of something like this (thank god!!), i have seen many such cases.. It really becomes intolerable, for both..
Nice post Richa.Keep up the good work.
That movie kinda scares me too..I really don't knw if love can actually drive you insane..may it can..but excess of anything can..so why create a pandemonium outta love? Anyway..you did justice to the topic..kudos! =)
That movie kinda scares me too..I really don't knw if love can actually drive you insane..may it can..but excess of anything can..so why create a pandemonium outta love? Anyway..you did justice to the topic..kudos! =)
its earth shattering to have ur best frnd turnin into a sore person.its real dampening.
i am an advocate of living a practical life even though love fascinates me :)
@ Ki
:(
yep, but ppl dun think b4 crossing tht line..
@ Isha
contrived relationships cant last.. ths wat i feel. when u get to know tht the other person has been lyin to u all the time.. all the things he/she did were not spontaneous but planned u feel ditched..
@ keshi
true.. very true :)
@ free Falling,
totally, obsession is like shackles.
@ Ridhhi
yeah, i too know of many affairs like tht.. tell u sumthn, almost all of us see this kinds of thing at some point degrees varying..
but it is real irritating to have sum one stop ur breathing space..
@ Pri
:)
thats Rahim's doha..
@ Raka,
yeah i totally know of tht.. its real frustrating..
@ Akki,
yeah, its hard to live the life tht way..
@ Kunjal
yeah, thnx :)
@ Deluded,
hehe, i dint generalize dude at all.. i did use the word "some guys" :D
@ passion
yeah it is intolerable totally.. :)
@ Gigi
thnx :)
@ Aayushi
i m so happy u r back, :)
and yeah as u said it, excess of everything can drive one mad.. and love is a b'ful feeling why make it a dreading one??
@ Anwesa
true true :)
@ Sawan
:O
some has theories like me miles apart?? :P
obsessions lead to lust, love is free from bondage...you dont always need a commitment to show for love...
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Keshi.
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